Hi -- I totally understand. Extreme old age makes it difficult -- and there are times when the body just doesn't have the strength to fight off things like the infection from the pancreatitis.
If you feel like you've done everything possible -- you don't list where you are located, but I know some of my senior animals have been very comforted by things like acupuncture (which does *not* hurt) and which can often help quality of life in extreme old age (Ms. Kee is likely 18 or 19 and has struggled with the same sort of things in the past year.). In fact, just recently I was *convinced* we were going to have to help her over the Bridge -- she was obviously not comfortable but my holistic vet (I'm not saying to *leave* your vet but rather add the holistic vet -- and I can direct you to a good qualifying agency IF you want to try that) suggested she *thought* that the cause of the incontinence for Kee might be a urinary tract infection.
As literally a "last ditch effort" we simply tried an antibiotic and wow -- the difference was amazing. It was simply the different experiences that a 2d vet had to be able to draw on. (I'm *not* saying your dog has a UTI -- but the type of gut inflammation you're talking about is a different type of a similar senior kind of problem).
The only way to be at peace with the decision is if YOU are convinced you have done all you *can* do and all you *need* to do and are *able* to do. If you are convinced of those things then you MUST think first and foremost of HER comfort.
When you have lived with an animal for 19 years you know their personality. How happy is she?
Blind? Honestly for me that's never even a consideration -- a dog's sight is their least used sense -- and most of the time the nose makes up for MANY missing senses. So don't let vision cause you huge concern.
Moody? Does that stem simply from old age or is it pain? Is she arthritic? Do you feel like you've done and are doing what you need to for that? If she is in **constant** pain -- that's not fair to Inca.
La Lupe:Inca has been waisting and been having diahrrea for many months now. Inca was diagnosed first with Gastroenteritis back on 7/16/08 and on 1/27/09 diagnosed with Pancreatitis. Is been a long road of trying many things and Inca continues to loose weight and the constant diahrrea
Wasting IS a late senior stage thing -- Kee Shu has lost significant weight and I feed her more, but the body often doesn't process it adequately to get the 'good' from it. But In Kee's case, getting the UTI treated (whcih was a majorly "hidden" thing -- and it's not easy to get a urine sample from an overly thin dog who is incontinent) was pretty important and she has actually gained a few ounces back, but generally is pretty happy.
Kee attacks food as if it was the best part of her day (and it probably is) and licks every morsel with relish -- altho, to be honest I have to sometimes spoon it into her mouth because she sometimes FORGETS she's eating and "loses" her bowl mid-meal. But oh my gosh -- when she FINDS that spoon, WOW -- happy, happy, happy!!
I've had the wonderful priviledge of having three dogs live to extreme old age.
But in each story I'm going to tell you *I* must be the last consideration. If you TRULY love an animal -- with the same self-less, unconditional love they show us -- it **MUST** be that way. You MUST put them first. You MUST consider their wants and happiness first. If you have done that, then you *can* walk away because you will have a clear conscience that you were motivated by love for them and you **WILL** have your memories.
Kee is a rescue -- she's only been with us 3 years so we have no idea of her "history" or even her accurate age (I"m going simply by information from someone who had her for a while). But she's lived a VERY hard life -- one with very little "happy" times. She's known starvation .. she's know cold and neglect. So for Kee -- "happy" is the key. "peace" for her is paramount. She's only been with us for 3 1/2 years but in those years she has gained. She's gained self-worth, she's gained trust in humans (just loving being held -- she didn't have that before us ... that was the greatest gift we've been able to give her).
I will not ask her to stay beyond "Happy". Now that I know she's pain-free again, and not just showing some old-age moodiness -- I'm ok with it. Having to clean up accidents? No problem -- I have wood floors and they'll wash. Paper towels aren't that expensive and it does ME good to bend over to clean it up. As long as she's generally happy, enjoying her food, and content with clear peaceful sleep -- I'm letting her call the shots.
3 years ago I lost a corgi-sheltie mix who lived to be 19. I took him off the street when he was about 5-6 months old. He was neurotic for most of his life, but again -- I loved him and he was beyond devoted to me. I've been loved. I've been adored -- but that dog almost worshiped me. But oh my -- what a life he had. But I vowed not to repeat the lessons I'd learned so hard with Prissy and again, I let Foxy 'call the shots'. He and I had talked about Rainbow Bridge. MANY times. He knew death ... he'd lost many friends and on many occasions I made sure he saw "the departed" and he understood (dogs understand death better than we do I think -- and they don't fear it as we do). He was a determined little guy ... and not a quitter. But there came the time when his body literally rebelled and began to 'die' altho Foxy's spirit really wasn't willing for it to happen. We had a bad couple of weeks where one by one his body systems just began to shut down and the vet and I made our plans. But I didn't rush it because I wanted Foxy to be "willing". And then came the day -- nope -- wasn't going to eat. Nope ... wasn't going to take water (not even by syringe -- I know what you're doing and I don't WANT that, Mom. LISTEN to me tell you!!). I thought early that morning I had my answer but I wanted to be sure.
So, when I took him outside that last morning and he made NO effort to stand or try to go. I heard him scream absolutely clearly in my mind "I'm DONE Mom -- it's TIME. No water. No food. NO TRYING. I'm done!"
I took him to the vet, and he gave Foxy some valium to simply help him slip into sleep. After I held him for a few minutes then the vet slipped the pink stuff in and it was simply over while he slept. His feet began to move as the pink stuff hit his system and he literally "ran" over Rainbow Bridge to meet his friends. That may sound silly but I know, beyond a shadow of doubt, it's true for him.
If you have never heard of Rainbow Bridge -- it may comfort you -- even NOW **before** to know such a comforting thing. For me it is reality, but the discussion of that is more sppropriate in "Spiritual Circle" -- but if you go to http://www.rainbowsbridge.com -- it may help you
However, even before I formally read about Rainbow Bridge I lost my Prissy.
My first "heart" dog -- Prissy, lived to be nearly 21. Yes, she wasted away but the bond was so terribly strong between us I was wretched. In that particular case I was in a desperate situation financially and despite the fact that Pris had suffered several small but debilitating strokes I was unable to afford to get her TO a vet to have the vet put her to sleep. She wasn't in pain ... she was just ... miserable. But the despair to stay WITH me was her driving force for staying around.
That was my clue she needed to be set free of that. But I was so torn, and in such desperate straits financially it all became too complicated.
I made MANY mistakes with her -- first was allowing my ex-husband to dictate so totally financia
La Lupe: How do I go in the vet's office with my Inca and knowing that she wont come home with me alive?
lly that I was even put IN the situation where I couldn't get her TO a vet (I literally didn't have gas for the car to get her there). But the BIGGEST mistake I made was in allowing *her* to see how terribly grief-stricken I was at the thought of losing her. I was in tears most of the time, I let her be swamped by MY grief and as a result she couldn't "let go" of this life.
Allowing them to see your grief that deeply? It's something you must prevent ... because it loads your grief on them and they feel they've let you down. Dogs can't help it that they aren't as long lived as we are.
We have to love them ENOUGH to let them go. We have to realize that sometimes WE have to be the strong one and simply let *them* go. Send them off with love. Knowing we love them *enough* to hold them during their journey and say goodbye, we will meet again.
La Lupe: How do I go in the vet's office with my Inca and knowing that she wont come home with me alive?
How?
First, you simply realize that the body is simply a transitory thing -- but no one can take your memories and your love away.
You won't leave with her "alive" -- but if she's really ready to go on her journey she's not "alive" now. If she is really ready for her trip to Rainbow Bridge she is miserable. She is in pain. She is emrely "existing" but she's NOT alive now. There's a difference between a simple biological function where breathing still exists and a meaningful existence.
YOU have to understand and accept that first. You have to think about HER first. What she's done for you. How much SHE has loved you and put you first. This is the one time, La Lupe, THIS is the one time you can **show her** how important she really IS to you. Because you will disregard your own pain to alleviate hers.
I don't mean that to sound harsh at all. but it's a reality *you* must face in order to LOVE her fully.
When you turn around and leave -- you don't even think about her not going with you. You envision her young, healthy and running across the Meadow. You go KNOWING she's not in pain any more, you go KNOWING you have given her a marvelous gift -- freedom from pain, freedom from dis-ease, freedom to simply wait until that day she sees *you* come over that Bridge and you are together in spirit again.
How? You do it knowing you gave her something ... and that will make your "loss" easier. Because you take away love, not guilt for making her stay simply to satisfy your 'wants'.
Does that make sense? It really is completely a state of mind on your part.
Know that so many here understand and we'll give you comfort, we'll help you deal with the grief ... but you can't stop time here on Earth. But we CAN alleviate pain and suffering.
Sorry this was long -- but I dont think, at least for me, there is a "short answer" to that question.