Driven to Cheat?

• 05-26-2009 1:36 PM

  In reply to cakana

  sharismom Joined on 09-10-2007 mid-Michigan Posts 3,788 Points 30

  Re: Driven to Cheat? Reply Contact Cathy, I really can see it from the point of view of the situation you describe.  My ex had every reason in the book to cheat, and it was always my fault.  He emotionally beat me down until I couldn't tell the difference between myself and poop stuck to a shoe, yet I still trusted that I was enough for him because I was so much younger, attractive (all his friends and co-workers couldn't believe he cheated on me).  But when he found out about my one-nighter, he flipped out.  He followed me everywhere, and when he couldn't, he checked my odometer, kept an eye on the clock, called to check on me.  I forgave him and forgot his crap, but I was not to be trusted - he could never forget.  I daresay I deserved the lack of trust and my revenge tactic was not the stimulus for the divorce, but the coup de gras.  He never saw me as a person before and after I was simply a cheating wh0re. Tina

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• 05-26-2009 1:52 PM

  In reply to sharismom

  Truley Joined on 08-27-2006 Louisville, Ky Posts 2,570 Points 190	Re: Driven to Cheat? Reply Contact I am with Gina. It's an excuse.   The WITCH is dancing around the bonfire.
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• 05-26-2009 2:50 PM

  In reply to rwbeagles

  Cita Joined on 12-13-2006 CT Posts 5,905 Points 845

  Re: Driven to Cheat? Reply Contact rwbeagles: It's absolutely an excuse. It can "drive you to separate/divorce" but CHEAT? Gimme a break...actual adult people LEAVE or make some sort of mutual break before taking on another relationship...be it for sex or companionship or whatever. If you STAY...and CHEAT...that is YOUR choice IMO...and your inability to be an adult and say "this is not working for me...I want out".   Yeah, I agree. And if you do something that puts yourself in a situation where you "can't" leave, well, tough! Prioritize. What is more important to you: that the relationship is unpleasant and you want something else, or whatever it is that makes it so you "can't leave"?

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• 05-26-2009 4:34 PM

  In reply to sillysally

  Chuffy Joined on 12-17-2006 UK Posts 7,886 Points 245

  Re: Driven to Cheat? Reply Contact sillysally:  I was thinking about this after reading the Jon and Kate thread, but didn't want to hijack it....  Do you believe that a spouse can be driven to cheat by their partner, or is that just an excuse for betrayal?   No.  Never. My dad's second marriage was not a happy one, but he made the choice to stay and try to work it out.  A family friend once told me that he ha tried (more than once) to get my dad to go with him to the pub and see if they could "get some girls".  Dad always replied no.  Maybe if I could describe just what dad went thru with that woman it would put more perspective on it, but that's more info than I am willing to share. You can drive someone to leave, but you can't drive them to cheat.  That ALWAYS lies with the person doing the cheating.  No one else. "Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day, but set fire to him and he is warm for the rest of his life." - Pratchett, "Jingo"

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• 05-26-2009 4:57 PM

  In reply to sillysally

  BCMixs Joined on 01-10-2008 Virginia Posts 1,761 Points 30

  Re: Driven to Cheat? Reply Contact sillysally:  I was thinking about this after reading the Jon and Kate thread, but didn't want to hijack it....  Do you believe that a spouse can be driven to cheat by their partner, or is that just an excuse for betrayal?   A partner can be made unhappy or unsatisfied by the actions or non-actions of their loved one, but cheating (physical infidelity) is an action taken by choice.  No one can take over your brain or body and MAKE you do something dishonorable.  You CHOOSE to turn outside of your marriage to make yourself feel better or to find the love, affection, attention or sex that you may or may not be getting inside your marriage. My ex had a huge laundry list of reasons and excuses he gave for cheating but when I tried to end the marriage numerous times (before I knew he'd been unfaithful) because neither of us was happy and couldn't seem to fix it, he held on for dear life, didn't want to end it, etc.  Even once I did know and was adamant about ending it, he still tried to talk me back, WTF?  He just wanted to have his cake and eat it too, wanted to maintain the facade of the happy family man while getting his strange on the side.  Uhh, not. If you're so unhappy in your marriage that you need to go outside it to be happy, do the honorable thing and end it, then go get someone else, not the other way around.  I hope that's  not what has happened with J&K+8, but if he has cheated, she's better off without him, regardless of what a shrew she is or isn't.  No one DESERVES to be cheated on.

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• 05-26-2009 10:27 PM

  In reply to BCMixs

  Bullymom Joined on 03-14-2007 North Carolina Posts 3,554 Points 110

  Re: Driven to Cheat? Reply Contact BCMixs: A partner can be made unhappy or unsatisfied by the actions or non-actions of their loved one, but cheating (physical infidelity) is an action taken by choice.  No one can take over your brain or body and MAKE you do something dishonorable.  You CHOOSE to turn outside of your marriage to make yourself feel better or to find the love, affection, attention or sex that you may or may not be getting inside your marriage.   I agree.  Marriage can be hard and partners don't always agree about sex but I do not think that your partner is to blame because You decided to "stray".  ~*Kimberly*~

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• 05-26-2009 10:54 PM

  In reply to BCMixs

  BlackLabbie Joined on 01-27-2008 South of Boston Posts 3,380 Points 280

  Re: Driven to Cheat? Reply Contact BCMixs: If you're so unhappy in your marriage that you need to go outside it to be happy, do the honorable thing and end it, then go get someone else, not the other way around.  I hope that's  not what has happened with J&K+8, but if he has cheated, she's better off without him, regardless of what a shrew she is or isn't.  No one DESERVES to be cheated on. Exactly. I find it really annoying that a lot of the entertainment media is blaming her for "making" him cheat! That's complete BS, IMO. -Stephanie Apollo- black Labrador Retriever Molson- buff American Cocker Spaniel Patty- black American Cocker Spaniel "Q: If you could choose what to come back as, what would it be? A: A dog, so my wife would love me more." -Oscar De La Renta

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• 05-26-2009 11:03 PM

  In reply to BlackLabbie

  BEVOLASVEGAS Joined on 07-11-2006 Texas Posts 9,274 Points 990	Re: Driven to Cheat? Reply Contact Has anyone else seen the allegations that Kate cheated with one of her body guards first? Amanda Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to use sarcasm. Seize hold of the moment and begin the journey, wherever you are on the path, however many times you have faltered, begin again. - Gurumayi Chidvilasananda
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• 05-26-2009 11:10 PM

  In reply to BEVOLASVEGAS

  ottoluv Joined on 11-27-2006 So Cal Posts 3,012 Points 525

  Re: Driven to Cheat? Reply Contact People with weak morals are people with weak morals plain and simple. Sometimes the decision is easier for them to make due to the circumstances, but they still make it, and likely still would have even if it was harder. I think it's disgusting what has happened to this poor family, especially the coverage it's getting on the media. I change the channel when I see a story about them come on. The only thing that I hope for right now is that they put the money they are getting away to help put these kids through college. Here I am stuck in the middle with you I practice societal sanctioned assault

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• 05-26-2009 11:13 PM

  In reply to ottoluv

  Cita Joined on 12-13-2006 CT Posts 5,905 Points 845	Re: Driven to Cheat? Reply Contact ottoluv: The only thing that I hope for right now is that they put the money they are getting away to help put these kids through college.   Well, on the bright side... think of the college essay material they'll have!
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• 05-27-2009 3:23 PM

  In reply to rwbeagles

  .stacer. Joined on 06-03-2007 Ontario, Canada Posts 687 Points 10

  Re: Driven to Cheat? Reply Contact I agree completely Gina. You can be driven to want something else, but cheating is a choice you make on your own.  FH was cheated on twice in the past and it was devestating for him (surprisingly, he is one of the most trusting people ever).   I just can't fathom having the respect to marry someone, intending to spend the rest of your lives together but not respecting them enough to be honest about wanting out if it doesn't work.  Stacey.

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• 05-27-2009 3:43 PM

  In reply to BEVOLASVEGAS

  BlackLabbie Joined on 01-27-2008 South of Boston Posts 3,380 Points 280

  Re: Driven to Cheat? Reply Contact BEVOLASVEGAS: Has anyone else seen the allegations that Kate cheated with one of her body guards first? I heard the allegations and saw photos of him w/ the 23 y/o school teacher first. I thought the rumors of her w/ the bg came out after, and more recently. -Stephanie Apollo- black Labrador Retriever Molson- buff American Cocker Spaniel Patty- black American Cocker Spaniel "Q: If you could choose what to come back as, what would it be? A: A dog, so my wife would love me more." -Oscar De La Renta

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